Let me know what you think? I'd like to do this every now and again for a little bit of feedback.
THAT BASTARD
“Remember that day you slammed my finger in the door? I bled so badly that ruined my brand new white shirt. Do you remember?” He says somewhat annoyed, “Yes. Yes, I remember! God ,will you ever let that go? I mean really!” The girl slowly walks into the kitchen staring at the man she used to love and pours a glass of water. “That shirt costs me one hundred and fifty dollars. I waited all season to buy it. Ruined because you never pay attention. Then to top it all off I had to pay a three hundred dollar hospital bill!” The man yells from the living room while completly engrossed in whatever is on the television at that moment, “Jesus, I told you I’d pay for the shirt and the bill! You said no… It’s just something else to rub in my face. God! I just want to watch TV in peace.” Circling the living room, the girl picks up the remains of the man’s lunch and cleans up around him. “I only bring it up because that is the finger where something else should be! It’s been three years and you know exactly what I’m talking about.” “Well”, the man says matter of factly, “ think of the scar from the stitches as a ring and how much I care!” Fuming she throws a dish at him and storms towards the door, “ You bastard! When I’m gone and not around to clean up your mess you’ll regret those words!” She slams the door behind and storms off in a huff. The man looks in his pocket and pulls out a ring. “She’ll be back.” With an awkward smile he puts it back in his pocket and stares mindlessly at the TV. She made up her mind this time…. she was never going back to him. Who cares about his smile and the laugh she grew to love? It was done. He had gone too far. She was moving on…. She had to move on; being stuck is no way to live.
So true- men beware if we start bringing up old stuff that really shouldn't matter! I think the dialogue is believable but I would have liked the bastard to be more reactive to his woman leaving. But it could work just the way it is as the story goes on to reveal whether or not she does return or whether she walks out all the time. Interesting-I definitely want to know what comes next.
ReplyDeleteThis is really good! I love that he had a ring but was too lazy to do anything about it, that he thought that she should come running back just because he had the ring in his pocket... Like she should know he was planning to ask her or something.
ReplyDeleteThis kind of reminds me of that country song "what kinda gone" by Chris Cagle. I don't know why, maybe just the ignorance of the guys in the story and in the song..
This story really hit home! Every day I anxiously wait for my boyfriend to propose to me, and he never does. Some days I wonder I imagine that I'm just waiting around so we can reach that "next step" or if I'm actually waiting around to begin a new life together. IRL I'm confident in our love, but this story does a wonderful job at exploring both possibilities.
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